Isle of View- Living Safely at Home
It’s more difficult to prepare reflection on this blog than
it is to prepare a homily. I’m not sure if it’s because I am more used to preaching than I am
writing. I believe another factor is that in writing this blog I have to start
from scratch. In preparing a homily I am given the readings from Scripture from
which to be inspired by the Holy Spirit. I do pray before I write this blog.
Then I stare at the blank Word document page. I ask myself why I am doing this
and what do I write. I know I started this series of Isle of View because I had
slowed down tremendously after my surgery in December. I had time and ideas to
work from in writing this blog. Now I am back in the frenzy of church ministry.
And I find I have little time and fewer ideas.
However, I know God speaks to us through our everyday
experiences just as much as he speaks to us to the Scriptures. In listening to
what is happening in the world today, I’m struck, again, by the violence in the
world. And the violence that seems most prominent in my consciousness right now
is the violence that is called domestic.(“Domestic” comes from the word which
means home. To me, home is a place where one can feel safe.) I am not sure why
it’s called domestic other than that it happens usually within a house between
people who usually live in that house. I just can’t imagine what it would be
like to live in the place and never feel safe, respected, and loved.
There is much discussion about the causes of this kind of
violence. Most would agree that there is an issue of power within a sense of
insecurity that is manifest in this use of violence. This wanting power over
someone comes from a lack of personal identity and self-empowerment. Because this
violence is more often expressed in men, there is some discussion about what is
devoid in the development of these men. I have heard and personally agree with
the idea that men need to be affirmed as they grow through adolescence into
adulthood. This affirmation needs to be expressed in some ritual/initiation
that helps a male know and believe that he, indeed, is developing into mature
man. Father Richard Rohr speaks to a father- wound where there is lack of other
men guiding, affirming, and validating the male’s development, dignity, and
identity.
The other side of this domestic violence is the victim’s
world. This world, as with the perpetrator’s world, probably started out, in
their childhood, by learning from and watching adults behave in violent manners.
The lessons that were learned in being exposed to this violence, was that it’s
okay to treat one another this way and that the victim deserves to be treated
with less respect than what human dignity demands. Oftentimes, the victims
believe that in some way they’re helping and even expressing love for the
perpetrators by allowing themselves to be beaten and abused. There can be a
belief that the victim can actually help and change the perpetrator from this
violent behavior. The victim can gain a sense of being needed by the perpetrator
in the dynamic of being abused and then being asked by the perpetrator to be
the forgiver. There can be a sense of importance gained by dispensing mercy and
forgiveness. However, this is a very unhealthy and destructive way to gain
personal dignity, sense of well-being.
Obviously, dealing with this type of violence needs to be
addressed in the development of children. Men and women need to teach their
children how to treat each other with dignity and respect. Conflict will always
be a part of life. We also need to teach children how to manage, confront, and
even utilize conflict to work out our everyday living together. Disagreement is
the arena for these personal voids of human development to be expressed.
However, disagreement need not, nor should it ever be, the cause or the reason
for violence to be displayed. The daily manifestations of violence and killing
within home situations, only point to the urgent and drastic need for adults to
support, train, and encourage children to manage conflict and even use conflict
to get in touch with the significance of personal values in the engagement of
love with other human beings. Conflict can and should help us to understand
ourselves and challenge our commitment to love one another. Conflict management
should be a part of elementary education. I believe this would even help to
deal with the bullying that is happening in school these days. Parents, please
assure that this is being taught not only in your own home but at school. I
hope and pray that we are adequately dealing with this within our parish
setting. Indeed, domestic violence has risen to a level that demands that all
of us address this not only in encouraging those who are engaged in this
violence to withdraw from that environment, but also to positively teach our
children so that this terrible, destructive and disrespectful way of relating
to each other does not continue to be repeated.
In the Isle of View, I believe there can be and will be a
change in how people experience life in their own house. I pray that those feel
threatened and insecure in these houses may someday be able to be loved,
appreciated, and safe in what is typically called, a home.
The Skipper
